Life lesson number...what number are we on???

[no_apologies]

1. Never have children. (Well, too late there, huh?)
2. Never get a turtle.
3. If, Crom forbid, you do both of those things, never, but NEVER, ask said children to turn off the water hose which is in said turtles tank in the living room.
4. If, Crom forbid, you do ask the children to turn off the water hose in the turtles tank in the living room, do NOT forget to quickly unplug all the electrical appliances that previously aforementioned  turtle requires which, when combined with water, create a potentially deadly situation.
5. If, Crom forbid, all of the above have occurred, while the children are screaming that they forgot how to turn off the water, which they have deftly turned to maximum flow, DO NOT attempt to run from the house carrying said water hose in front of you, on a tile floor, as the tile floor will be quite slippery and you WILL fall on your ass, completely failing to get the hose out of the house.
6. Lastly, and most importantly, DO remember that the neighbors are outside before screaming and cursing and jumping up and down in your bare feet in the front yard while waving the still running hose around in front of you like a whip.
Have a nice day.