Opinions are like.... everybody has one

[strawbuddy]

This cliche sums up the idea of this rant and this rant will likely be viewed as hypocritical, but this is my (ahem) opinion, so move on if you aren't interested in what I have to say, luckily it is the Internet, you can choose not to read!

So this is inspired actually by another journal entry, but her meaning I think was a bit different.  The main idea of her journal was a question, "why do people feel like they can drop into your post and leave a negative comment? Then on a different journal leave a sweet note or drop in on your chatter box to "check" on you.  These things would never happen in the real world but people feel entitled on the Internet to put words directly from the brain to the page without much thought." (paraphrased but still holds the same point)

I was thinking about this, because it is true, If I were anywhere in the "real world" and heard a conversation between strangers I wouldn't dream of putting in my two cents, that is me, I just wouldn't get involved in a person's conversation that I didn't know.  But yet, I will read a post and tell them why I think they are right or wrong, and only think about it as far as being honest and clear to my point.  But why?  To what end?  If I"m giving my opinion, why?  With the exception of the members of some of the groups I belong to I don't (1) value the opinion of a "stranger",(2) think that anyone here really values my opinion, (3) don't believe one is going to change my mind, and  finally (4) don't think I'm going to change anyone else's mind.

So besides being rude and pointless there is also the flip side: if you don't want your opinion or view scrutinized why put it on a public forum?  Anyone could just as easily make their post private, for friends only, or post in a group instead of making their business so very public on the journal posts.  I am writing this here because I hope many people see it, I'm interested to know, how many of you have had these thoughts?  Or felt Justified in giving your opinion because it is here in the public forum?  I know I have, I have thought to myself, "I didn't put it out here, they did". But is that the right attitude to have?  Seriously now is it?  I school myself that no, it isn't.  Maybe someone is looking for understanding, support, to vent, to gain attention, to raise awareness or whatever the reason, who am I to judge?  If I don't like what I read, I can "walk" on by. 

So here is my conclusion: I would like to act here as I would in the real world, the problem is that in the real world I wouldn't eavesdrop, but isn't reading a journal post much like eavesdropping?  Or is it more like and advertisement in the paper or a commercial on TV?  Or is it more like someone standing on a corner with a sign?  Or someone with a megaphone shouting over a crowd? 

I wouldn't eavesdrop intentionally and if I did overhear  I wouldn't comment, most of the time.  I wouldn't respond to an advertisement.  I would try to avoid eye contact with some nut on a street corner with a sign.  And if someone was on a mega phone I would assume they are some kind of nut and try to avoid them too. 

That is the interesting medium that is the Internet.  It is real people, real thoughts, real feelings, real problems, real solutions, real friendship, real hate, real, real, real but all completely fake... we are all at home/work/school not sitting in/at (insert favorite place here).  The Internet is a strange place, unique.  Does real world etiquette apply in this virtual world?  How would we ever communicate if it did?

Thanks for reading if you did, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Erin

[rachelrose75]

May. 9, 2008 at 9:32 AM Since you said you wanted to hear our thoughts....lol......My feelings are if someone posts a public journal, they're wanting people to give their input/feedback. Public journals is a way to cast out your ideas/thoughts into the cyber world and see what others think on the same subject. If they didn't want any feedback, they'd save it for a one on one email or each others chatterboxes. just my 2 cents :)

[Kirlycat]

May. 9, 2008 at 9:37 AM You raised some good questions. I will ramble a minute and then gotta go to work. People should not post if they do not want comments. It is at their own risk if they get rude comments or good comments. I myself rarely post, becaus when I seriously need good wholesome advice about my average daily life, no one or very few comment. But write something controversial, and bam, they crawl out of every walk of life. I have commented on several posts because I hate it when no one comments on mine. I try to give the best advice I can, or at least say, "hey, i read your post. dont' know what to say, good luck." But I have "debated" a time or two also. The only thing i really have to say, is this internet thing is "At Your Own Risk" don't post if you don't want comments, cause people are human, and this is an "open" forum and you will get bashed, but you will find friends that care.

[AllisonLeigh]

May. 9, 2008 at 9:56 PM Erin, I just love you to death. And I want to say that I value your opinion and am always looking forward to what you have to say about life. I rarely have time to read other peoples journals, but I am glad I read this one. I have been thinking some very similar thoughts about the internet lately, and this is what I have come up with. I truly believe that if I put something out into the universe I will get something in return, and I may or may not like it. It's just the way it is. When I post something I want some real human interaction and some real human advice. But I like your point that everything is fake on the internet. You know me well enough to know that I am obnoxiously optimistic, so I really do want to think that there are real people out there trying to find people like us. I wish people would, in general, be more polite, more respectful, and act like they were meeting someone special EVERY time they interact with someone they have never met. That's all I have for now, more on this subject later!

[genxmomma]

May. 10, 2008 at 12:49 AM

You do bring up some good points.  My thoughts are-

1. Beware people!  Posting a journal on a topic that is sensitive to you in a place where there may or may not be people of an opposing view point may subject you to hurt feelings.  If you just can't bare to hear "negative" feedback, then don't post.  Save it for some place where you know that people will understand and be extra sensitive to you.

2.  Reading feedback on polls, journals, etc.  helps us to find those groups where we "fit in."  If you continually agree with a person's posts and replies, odds are you're going to like the groups that she belongs to.  You may even want to invite her to be your friend. 

That's not to say that I condone all out warfare on someone just because you don't agree with them or for the sake of finding friends.  I do however think that it is perfectly okay to voice an opposing opinion on something that is posted to a public forum.  Debate doesn't have to equal an argument.  Lastly, I especially feel that it is okay to let someone know when they are being offensive. 

That's my two cents.  I figured since we're already friends, you wouldn't mind if I chimed in!  : D

 

[AyurVeda]

May. 10, 2008 at 1:43 AM

Oh you are so RIGHT ON Erin!   I read journal posts sometimes that are remarkably personal and comments are made, some positive some negative.  Then, the poster somehow becomes appalled by the negative comments and I think to myself "what gives?"  If you don't want anyone's opinion, then why did you advertise your life?  It's like (as you say) standing on a street corner with a megaphone, then when someone makes a comment you say "who asked you?"  Well -YOU DID!  Geeze!   When I post a journal, I'm usually looking for feedback.... I'm looking to provoke conversation or generate thought, or get opinions.... *that* is why I don't go posting about anything so personal that I'd rather not advertise it.  

Anyway... yes the Internet is strange and unique.  I still feel geeky for this.. but it seems I have been able to form very real friendships with people online.  Amazingly so.   Some of them I have the pleasure of meeting in real life (wink) and some not, but strangely, the friendship is, in some cases, just as strong if they are only virtual.   So.... I would think the same rules of general niceties would apply.... but we should probably keep in mind that anyone that is bizarre and rude here, is probably bizarre and rude in the 3D world as well... so... :)

 

[Rayray1976]

May. 20, 2008 at 12:47 PM I think of the internet as a different level of communication, on a whole. It's hard for me to compare it to private conversations between two people that I happen to overhear because someone is going out of their way to author a journal in the hopes that it will be read and replied to. If they wanted to keep it discreet and private they could, but the fact that they've bared their thoughts for anyone to read tells me differently. I always try to reply w/honesty and kindness even when I don't agree. A lot of times, if I don't agree, I don't reply because I can't tell someone I agree w/them when I don't - just my personality. On occasion, when I have typed a contradiction or have debated, I've been called judgemental, which I'm going to start labeling the "j" word :o )) as it's used so liberally on cafemom. I'm just at the school of thought "if you don't want to know, don't ask".