why even say divorce if you don't mean it?

[maaleka]

I wanted to ask this question to all mom's out there that have ever had someone say "I want a divorce" but when you call their card on it. They say they did't mean it or I was just joking. Is this not like crying wolf? I am finding among my friends that men do it just as much as women. What is the point of even saying it? People do more harm than good (in my opinion) saying this to someone that they vowed to spend the rest of there life with. I have seen this in countless relationships being said as a form of " I don't need you and blah blah blah" .. So ladies help me see the point in why you have ever said it, and if you have. Did say this solve anything? Or if it has been said to you .. How would you react? I would like to know because I don't think its right on either side (male or female). And I have a friend going through this as we speak. Yes I am a christian and I do believe in God so keep the negativity down please I would like to have opinions and scripture If you have it.(no bashing)

 

Thanks

Maaleka

[1NavyWife]

May. 9, 2008 at 1:46 PM HMMMM..what friend would that be? J?K I would put other, but there is no option for that! It has been said a few times and I think in my experience at least it depends on the situtation at hand. Like if things are going good and then all the sudden a freak out and it is said then I would ask why would you say that?; and be hurt, bc I thought things were going fine! If it was a thing that had been adding up and everyone seemed to be getting hurt and I mean everyone, I might just shout back "fine" at him, " I'll give you one". I hope that helps and makes sense.

[maaleka]

May. 9, 2008 at 2:14 PM

lol.. woman I aint talking about you (1Navy Wife) .. LOL>.. one of my home girls called me last night really upset her hubby said this to her in COSCO of all places..I was pretty upset to because I was in there wedding and they have been married for 8 years.. can we all say WOOW... I know I am not perfect and I have said it to my hubby one time in the heat of the moment. (yes I was really angrey and hurt and  No nothing was accomplished) and I asked him to forgive me. I just wanted a different view on it.. because women say things for different reasons than I have..And I don't want to be one sided and closed minded.. When I am talking to her. Thanks

Maaleka

(Original Poster)

[rabbitandeor]

May. 9, 2008 at 2:15 PM

Well, I didn't vote, as my response wasn't listed.  I have been on both sides, so will be happy to share. 

I have been married twice.  The first time around, I had biblical grounds for divorce - though I must admit it didn't matter to me at that point.  He was a wanderer, abusive and suicidal.  I told him I was leaving with our daughter.

The second time around, there were odd circumstances and at one point or another, we both said that.  He was military and his deployment and following illness (bad bought of malaria) took a hard toll on him.  Though I was angry about some past and current issues, I decided I wasn't going anywhere.  His flash backs got rough at times and he sunk into a depression and couldn't take the nightmares and such.  He decided to leave to 'not take the family down with him'.  At that point, my response was 'whatever'.  We have managed to stay friends, which isn't always easy, but it is was it is.  Had he not left when he did, I would have soon and we would have more than likely ended up hating each other.

Those being my personal experiences, I do believe many use it to freely now - just to express their current disappointment with things.  I think it is used as a way to hurt another into doing what is wanted.  Personally, if this phrase is used, it needs counseling to overcome most of the time.

[elleinad]

May. 9, 2008 at 7:57 PM

Saying you're leaving when you're not going to is an absolute no-no and marriage wrecker. It destroys your loyalty, sense of stability, and your ability to keep your word. How can you maintain a marriage that's built upon, "I'm not happy, so I'm leaving?" Marriages are built upon "No one is leaving, so we might as well make each other as happy as possible." Threats are just ridiculous and break down trust.

I got told "I want a 'divorce'" once (and it was serious). I replied, "No, you don't. You just think you do. Too bad."  A lot of mutual relationship work later, I was right.

[Katherine1422]

Jul. 14, 2008 at 8:12 AM Saying "I want a divorce" when you don't mean it is meant to control and manipulate the other person. It is a childish outburst brought on by emotional frustration. It is meant to hurt the other person. Couples need to practice fair fighting. They need to think before they speak in a disagreement. Yes, I said disagreement, there is no need to have things develop into a full fledged fight. They need to keep cool heads and discuss the issue at hand, not past issues or call any names.