Animal Crackers in My Soup

[PlanetMom]

Me: “How ‘bout some animal crackers with your breakfast, Hon. Doesn’t that sound perfectly scrumptious?”

 

Seek: “Okay. I guess so.”

 

Me: “You know, I looooove animal crackers, but not in my soup. That’s just plain weird. They’d get mushy. And I don’t like mushy, unless we’re talking oatmeal. Oatmeal is supposed to be mushy. Not animal crackers.”

 

Seek: “I don’t like oatmeal, Mom.”

 

Me: “Oh yeah. I forgot, my dear child. You’re fond of next-to-nothing when it comes to food. Heaven forbid you slurp something oatmealish. Good Lord, what would happen if you actually liked it?!” (Insert dramatic gasp and clutching of chest) “People would talk.”

 

Seek: (Rolls eyes and reminds me to get the animal crackers already).

 

Me: (Happily munching on goats, buffalo and great hordes of elephants together…) “My favorite part is biting off their silly heads, you know.”

 

Seek: “I like that, too.”

 

Me: “It makes me feel all-powerful, like a mean and horrible beast-of-a-thing, obsessed with just one mission in life: devouring herds upon herds of terrified creatures. Mercilessly ripping off one head at a time and then gobbling the remains in a ravenous fit of rage. Leaving not one crumbish morsel upon the earth. Like that Cyclops guy. Pretty sick, huh?”

 

Seek: (Silence).

 

Me: “I guess that IS pretty sick. Oh well, does it bug you that I like animal crackers in the first place?”

 

Seek: “Nope. Big people can eat kids’ food, too.”

 

Me: “Well that’s a relief.”

 

At that, I plunked a hapless goat in my mouth, smacking my lips with pleasure. (But not before I mumbled the poor fool’s last words—to the utter delight of all, “Goodbye, cruel world!”)

 

Planet Mom: It’s where I live. Visit me there at www.notesfromplanetmom.com.

 

Copyright 2008 Melinda L. Wentzel