Labelling people
- May 14, 2008 at 7:52 PM by momto2boys973
- 6 Comment(s)
- 146 Total Views
Why is it that we feel the need to shove people into little boxes? I read this comment on another forum and was very disturbed by it:
I wont' quote because it's disrespectful but the bottom line, this woman couldn't understand her friend who was co-sleeping, extended bf, used cloth diapers and was a vegetarian but chose to circumcise.
Now, why on earth is it OK to assume that just because a person shares certain beliefs with us, that we should all be little clones of each other? Why do we have to put these labels into people and when they don't live up to our idea of what they should be, we call them hypocritical, stupid, ignorant or brainwashed? Can't there be a formula feeding mom that co-sleeps and wears her baby? Why is it so difficult to believe that a breastfeeding, non vaccinating mom will choose to circumcise? Is it so ridiculous to be a pro-life, pro-circumcision mom? What happened to independent thought? Is that the way parenting goes? Find your guru and then do exactly what he/she says or else you're out of "the club"?
Why are some mothers so obsessed with what we're supposed to do? (according to the box in which they stuck us, of course) Do you know what we're "supposed" to do? We're supposed to raise our chidlren in the best way we know how. We're supposed to do what we thnk is right for each child. We're supposed to provide love and care and make the choices we feel will give our chidlren a better quality of life.
Now, if a person makes different choices like not vaccinating but circumcising, or not co-sleeping but bf, how EXACTLY is she not doing what she's "supposed" to do? Why are some people so judgmental, so holier-than-thou and so determined to push their own way into other perfectly capable and wonderful mothers?
I guess I just see people as independent human beings with independent opinions that don't necessarily have to relate to mine. I may think that thier ideas are incongruent some times, but they're incongruent to ME. My ideas, who seem perfectly logical to me, may sound incongruent to someone else. But is that a reason to act like a jerk? I think not.
Sharon
Everyone can see this journal post.
- Written by momto2boys973 on May 14, 2008 at 7:52 PM
- 146 total views
- See all posts by momto2boys973
Comments:
I have noticed that there are a great many people who seem to have arrested social development in jr. high -- maybe that's when they last felt effective or competent socially. There is an element to 'you're either with me or against me' in this kind of labelling that feels really simplistic and immature to me. Like, at no point since developing the higher brain centres has this individual (and it's teammates) managed to think in anything like a complex way about people...
Motorcyclists who wear black leather must be Hell's Angels... and not my husband's minister when he was a teen.
Teachers must be stodgy and sedate... not like my grade 8 science teacher who was absolutely a hippy.
Strippers have no morals... even the 38 year old mothers of three who are putting themselves through medical school using the most lucrative talents they possess.
Mothers who bottle feed must be missing out on the bonding and intimate communication that comes naturally to mothers, because there is a physical barrier, which is frankly as ludicrous as saying that breastfeeding will solve all of the world's problems and meet every single one of this child's needs for years after weaning.
Motherhood is blissful, joyful and rewarding all the time because the alternative is too guilt-ridden, too selfish, too immature to be allowed to be a mother.
Missing anything in mothering is the same as missing everything ... although no child at the centre of two adults non-stop attention and panicked need to keep 'happy all the time' will be anything but a monumental brat, socially disturbed and confused by the response of every other human they encounter until they work out that their parents are nuts.
Grandmothers are all sweet-natured cookie bakers who have infinite patience with their little relatives, even Ma Baker, as if having successfully had sex once and having a surviving offspring do the same magically confers some brand new personality traits and habits of a lifetime to the selfish crazy old bat who used to be a selfish crazy young bat.
Yeah... one-dimensional thinking is about team-building, finding people who will help you feel 'right' when you feel attacked from all sides (including the inside), and who wouldn't dare suggest that anything you're doing is less than the stellar perfection you have always been destined to.
Personally, I don't want those kind of folks around me. Just a personal quibble, really: I'd rather have a heated argument ever other week with a good, honest friend willing to speak the truth than have a vanilla smooth relationship with someone who doesn't know me and who is a nearly total stranger.
That's it!! One-dimensional thinking. My whole ranting in three little words, lol!
Sharon
i completely agree with lindaclement and with sharon!!! i am so sick of people with their stupid ideas that every mother needs to be put in a "box"! i am a SAHM but does that mean i have to wear my baby or that should have breastfed my kids as long as i have a milk supply(since i have all the time in the world...yeah right)? whatever.....i will never label any mother or any person for that matter. those who do need to get a life.
sorry, sharon, for my little rant. lol i just had an interesting conversation with my MIL about the same thing. she has decided to put a label on my oldest son. god i am sooo pissed at her right now!
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joshsmom05 May. 14, 2008 at 8:17 PM