Has This Happened To Anyone?...Pls Help

[zenimcruz]

First of all, has anyone ever married someone that never showed a different side of him until years later?  What I'm trying to say is that before marriage, you've met this wonderful man that treats you well and means the world to you.....that he is the one....the one you've been wanting to spend the rest of your life with.....the one who understands you like no one has.....the one who makes you feel whole......who knows the right thing to say and when, but then after being married for a couple of years, he becomes someone opposite.....someone who gets upset at the things you do or say......someone who doesn't understand where you're coming from.....who belittles you with his words.....who hardly agrees with you anymore....AND you wonder:  WHERE DID THAT MAN GO.....THE ONE WHO I FELL IN LOVE WITH IN THE BEGINNING?  HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE?  Please help!  What do you do in a situation like that?

[momie511]

May. 15, 2008 at 9:43 AM Yes it is happening to me.I am not sure what my next move is going to be.I am not happy and now we have a child between us.

[zenimcruz]

May. 15, 2008 at 9:48 AM Well, I alway figured that we end up together for a reason.....You know the saying "THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON", but what can it be.  I think God put us together, so I can straighten him out, lol....he's the negative thinker.....I'm the possitive.  I feel this test is just going on toooooo long and I don't know how much more I can take of it.  I've been with him for 4 yrs before we got married and now we've been married for over 15 years.  I'm thinking as soon as the kids are all on their own, things will get better and back to the way it use to......WHAT DO YOU THINK?

(Original Poster)

[luckymommy79]

May. 15, 2008 at 9:58 AM The same thing is happening to me too. We just don't connect anymore. He does'nt act like he even cares to be around me and he gets mad at me over the littlest things and puts me down in front of other people. At this point I don't care to be around him either. But we have two babies together and I don't want to take their daddy away from them. He's a good dad and loves his kids but I just wonder whats going to happen in the future. Right now our situation doesn't bother me much because I just stay out of his way and I have the babies if I need a hug or a kiss. But what happens when they grow up. I don't want to be alone especially after I've gotten older. That scares me more than anything.  

[luckymommy79]

May. 15, 2008 at 10:14 AM

I don't think things will get back to the way they were 15 yrs ago. The main reason things go bad between two people is because they stop communicating and then sometimes they turn to other things for an escape. Sometimes its an affair, sometimes its drugs or alcohol, sometimes its just overeating. Sometimes they just bottle things up and then they explode. If you're not communicating things will get bad. But I don't know if you are or not. I don't know that much about your situation.

[zenimcruz]

May. 15, 2008 at 11:05 AM

He's one who doesn't like to share our business with others.  I'm sure if he sees this, it'll upset him alot, but what I don't understand is he can talk down on me around his family and yet he says he doesn't like people to know what goes on between us.....confusion.....

Anyway, we do talk and we do talk alot, but I really don't like to because when we start talking.....somewhere down the line, I will eventually say something that will have him interpret it the wrong way and then WHAM!.....we start barking at each other because he interprets it wrongly and won't give me a chance to let him understand what I meant with that statement for whatever it may be.

 Well, let me just tell you what happened for me to just want to come out and write this.  First of all, I live so close by to my in-laws.....I'm at the corner...one of my brother-in-laws next to us.....and another of my brother-in-laws next to him and then one of my sister-in-law next to him........YEAH, 3 houses down the line are my in-laws.  Well, you can imagine what I go through.  We mostly always have potluck dinners at each others homes.  For that dishes are left at each others homes.  For me, I can't stand other peoples things at my place for it takes up space which I don't have that I tell everyone to make sure they don't forget their dishes/pots.  Well, I try not to take my pots to my in-laws and transfer the food onto a serving bowl/dish, but when my husbands in a hurry, the pot gets grabbed and brought to the other homes.  Guess what, out of my whole set, I only have the sauce pan left.  Dishes start disappearing everywhere.  Because I don't have anymore pots, i borrow my moms as I do her tumperwares.  I notice that it stays around my house longer when it doesn't belong to me.  Well, tonight I wasn't home when my husband and the kids went to his sisters house....he took the pot on the stove there.....one of his brother said that the pot looked like his pot.....prior to that I had the same problem with my anchor pans w/his other sister...when she saw my pans....ooooohhhh....she actually, said "There's my pan"......I was like, WHAT!  What makes these guys think I don't own anything......Well, my husband said nevermind...just give it to her and we'll buy another one...well, I went through it 4x......the pans I bought weren't mine, lol.......my husband new it irritated me that I always had to give up my dishes because it looked like their dishes (which it wasn't).  He then told me to stop taking my dishes in and use disposables.  I then did that, but it didn't help when they would come over and see it with a statement like....."Hey, there it is".  Anyway, after my husband told me about what his brother said about the pot, I turned to him (his back facing me because he's walking elsewhere) and said "Nevermind, give it to him and everything else and I'll make sure I get a new set that's color green where you can tell won't belong to them".....I was upset.......and then he assumed I said that to his sister and he got upset and told me that I shouldn't have said that to her and should've waited til we got home. I told him I didn't tell her sister that and I said it to him, but of course, he didn't believe me and that's when the war began.  He's so upset with me and I'm every name in the book now.  Prior to that things were going soooo great for a long time.  I think men go through PMS like women do, lol.......I just think they don't know how to handle it......their words really damage alot.

(Original Poster)

[luckymommy79]

May. 15, 2008 at 1:41 PM Yeah I know what you mean. It sounds like hes pretty close with his family, a little too close, that would drive me crazy. I can't stand the few times I have to see his family and I try to get out of it. I did'nt know this until now but theres actually a group that I just joined thats about letting off steam when your husband drives you crazy. Its called husband/boyfriend/childs father venting. You should check it out. 

[zenimcruz]

May. 15, 2008 at 7:29 PM

I should, huh....will do that.....let's see what the others have to say about this.....THANKS

(Original Poster)

[jerica24]

May. 15, 2008 at 10:54 PM I've been there. we were married 4 years ago. he was perfect! but a year into the marraige we lost a child and he turned into a monster. he treated me and my daughter worse thatn he treated the child we had together. needless to say, i left him. we're getting divorced now.

[zenimcruz]

May. 16, 2008 at 11:16 AM

Sorry to hear about that. I hope things will get better for you....which I'm sure it will.  How did your husband take it when he realized that it was ending?  I sometimes so think of wanting to do the same, but like I said.....I feel that this is a test that I'm going through for our marriage wouldn't have happened in the first place or even my last child.  If I wasn't meant to be with him then I wouldn't have had 2 wonderful children w/him....(I did lose 2 though........and almost lost my son/bed ridden with him and spotted w/my last) So, I'm not sure yet of what my future holds in this marriage, but I can tell you this much, I'm still learning more & more about my husband as time goes......put it this way, it doesn't even feel like we've been already married for over 15 years.

Well, the best of luck in your future and may it blossom through years to come.

(Original Poster)

[msp12r]

Jun. 30, 2008 at 10:22 AM

Hi, just reading your post... my MIL tells me to write my name on my tupperware, pots, pans that I bring to the family pot lucks, that way no one takes my stuff.  Use a sharpie on the bottom or outside of it... hahaha... sorry cause I'm sure it gets on your nerves but it sounds funny.