I have this stupid OCD with perfection.  Perfection in every way of my life.  I spend my whole day, day in and day out cleaning my house.  Even though if you came over right now, you would never know.  I have no where to put anything, so for the most part, I just move things around.  I am totally insecure with everything in my life.  I long to make new friends, I only have one good one...but the thought of that scares me to death.  I am very intimidated by others.  I am a stay at home mommy, and we don't have a lot of money.  So, therefore, I get intimidated when we meet new people, I am afraid that there is no way a friendship will work out, because we won't be able to keep up with them.  We can't afford the things that they can.  So, no matter how bad I want to be friends with someone, I tend to stay away.  I feel like no matter what I have, it don't compete with what you have.  I really am not a materialistic person...I guess that I just don't feel good enough.  I have the best husband in the world.  He takes such good care of me.  And I constantly obsess about trying to be perfect for him.  And no matter what I do, I don't feel like I am.  And it's not anything that he is doing to make me feel this way...just my own insecurities.  For example, I have this stupid obsession with his x.  I don't feel like in his eyes I am as good as she was.  I have even gone out of my way to track her down because I felt that if I got to know her better, that might help me.  My list just goes on and on.....I have tried many times to get over my obsessions, but somehow they keep coming back to haunt me.  Sometimes I think I am just crazy...who knows maybe I am.

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Comments:

gemaja
Jul. 26, 2009 at 9:16 PM

You are the one making yourself crazy, hon. Try to relax. And remember this, If your husband's ex was so perfect he'd still be with her. Something obviously went wrong with her, and now he's with YOU. Chin up!

 hugs

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lilma...
Jul. 26, 2009 at 10:09 PM

Well, the good news is, is that I finally have let go of the ex!  Took me a good while, but I did it.  Not even sure how.  But, you're right.  And thanks for the comment.

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