Man Whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[megan_gibbs]

It is funny how you think life is going so great one day, and then the next day everything seems such the opposite!  Wondering what I am talking about?  Well..., here is my story:

  Growing up, I was not the type of girl to be out partying, going to clubs, or change boy friends the way I change my underwear!  I was what most would say, "goody 2 shoes"!  I never tried drugs, drank, or really did anything that my mother told me not to do!  Now no..., I was not a nerd, or anything like that, and I was not shy either, because I had lots of friends.  I guess I just had different priorities than most others at that age!

  Then things changed a little!  I met a guy that intrigued me!  So, I took a chance, and started to date him!  I immediately started to fall for him!  If I didn't have classes or work, I was with him!  We did everything together and you would never see one without the other!  I will admit..., things moved fast, but there was never a doubt in my mind that it was too fast, because he was ultimately the one I wanted to be with always!

  Now, when I say we took things fast..., I mean fast!  We met in the end of May, started dating on June 4th, engaged August 16th and married Nov. 13th, all of the same year (1999).  We spent 4 years near my hometown, where we welcomed our oldest 2 boys.  Then when he was through with the Army, we moved to NH, where he was from.  After a few years there, we then welcomes 2 more children into our family.

  As far as the marriage and family end of things, everything seemed good this whole time!  I will admit..., we had our bumps in the road (layoffs from jobs, money problems, and car problems), but nothing that I saw as marital problems!

  In Nov. of last year, we decided to make a big change in our lives!  His job was moving to an hour away from our home, and we were struggling moneywise more than we had ever had before!  Along with these, a family member of mine had fallen sick back in NY!  We came up with a plan!  We packed everything up, and put it all in storage.  I moved back to my parents with the kids to help with the sick family member, and he moved in with his family. 

  We figure doing this, we could pay off all our bills that had piled up during our job layoffs.  We figured after 3 months, we would be caught up on everything, and have enough money saved up to look for a new place near his new job!

  It was very difficult being 7 hours from him!  I found myself traveling to see him every chance I got!  We always talked on the phone, and talked how this was for the best, and soon we would all be together again, have a better life!

  Then, in March, I went to see him again!  We had plans to re-register and inspect my car, as well as look at places for us, because our plan was for me to return in less than a month!  I was so excited!  I couldn't stand to be from him any longer!

  Our time together was great, just like before!  We were stuck like glue!  Then, things started to change!

  He was showering one morning, and one of the babies got his cell phone!  I grab it from him, as it was about to dial a number.  When I looked, it said, "Dialing mmm". MMM?  What a goober!  He meant to put in Mom, and his MMM instead!  I will fix it for him!

  Then I realize the number isn't his mom's, and the ring tone is "Baby Got Back"!  My mind started racing!  I then look at his call history!  Why is it this number shows up in his phone 5-6 times a day?  I go, and I question him about it!  He gets angry with me, and asking me how I could even think such things.  He tells me she is a cousin of his friends, and the ring tone is nothing more than an inside joke.  He also explains that the reason for so many calls is because she organizes the get-to-gethers for the group he hangs with.

  I stop questioning him, but don't put it out of my mind!  Things just didn't seam right, and I was not happy that he was having so much contact with this other girl! So..., once I am back at my parents, I do some researching!  I find her myspace page, and see what she looks like!  I monitor his phone calls, and sees they are still talking!  So, I decided to find out for sure what is going on!

  I call him up.  I am not friendly at all!  I tell him a mutual friend emailed me, and told me they had some information for me that they thought I should know.  I tell him I know everything, and it is time for him to come clean!  He keeps telling me that he doesn't know what I am talking about, and I am insane!  I proceed to tell him he knows exactly what I am talking about, and I am not putting up with the lies anymore!  I tell him I even have her picture, and I described her to a tee!  He starts crying saying it was a mistake, and only a one time thing!  I was CRUSHED!!!!!!  I couldn't believe it!  My biggest fear had come true!  He cheated on me!

   All day long he texts me, asking me to forgive him, and saying how he wants me back.  I keep telling him over and over to give me time..., I just need time to think and figure things out!

  The next day I call him to tell him I want to work it out!  He tells me no.  He then goes on to explain to me that he had never loved me, it was all fake and pretend.  He said he was tired of pretending, and needed me out of his life so he could be happy again and find him someone that not only loved him, but someone that he could also love.

  What was going on?  I didn't understand!  How could he be saying these things?  I decide I need to go there and see him face to face!  And I do!  I show up at his work.  He had no idea I was coming at all!  He asks what I am doing there, and I tell him to get some answers!  I also notice he had already removed his wedding band!

   The next few days were pure hell!  I try talking to him over and over to try and understand what had happened.  All I get from him is that he doesn't love me, he wants a divorce, and how he needs to move on, and find someone other than me that can give him the things in life I never could!

  I was completely crushed!  From the very start I stopped eating.  I could barely sleep, and I cried continuously!  I fought and fought, thinking he would change his mind!  I begged for my old job back, and made arrangements to move back that weekend with the kids, and save my family!  Once he found out what I was up to, he began to yell at me!  He told me I was not moving back, because he didn't want me there!  He told me that me coming there would just add to his unhappiness and depression.  He told me that if I wanted him to be happy, than I needed to stay out of his life, and he could then find happiness. 

  So..., whatelse could I do?  He made it very clear that I was nothing more than an appalling mistake in his life, and that everything that was wrong in his life was due to me. I became ashamed of myself!  I was ashamed that I had hurt him so bad!  I realized that I am not a person that should be with anyone, and that his whole life was destroyed due to the fact that I had loved him!

  I then decided that I needed to focus on my kids!  I went to court for custody and child support!  I agreed to joint custody.  The children would primarily live with me, but he could take them 1 weekend a month; 2 weeks during the summer; 1/2 their school vacations; and we would share the holidays!  Child support worked out well!  He was ordered to return my car to me, make all the payment as well as continue the insurance on it, and give me a weekly percentage of his paycheck! 

  During all this, I learn that he has continued his relationship with this other girl!  He also is living it up as a bachelor!  He is going to bar and clubs.  He is also talking to other girls that he thinks he would potentially move into relationships with.

   Then Mother's Day comes.  I get a gift I never saw coming!  He calls to tell me that he was arrested!  He was at a friends house, and an argument broke out between his friend and his wife.  He says it was due to him, so he decided to leave at 4am.  He says he fell asleep at the wheel, and rolled his car.  He then tells me he is going to more than likely be charged with a DUI.  If he does, he may loose his license!

  I go off on him!  How could he do something so stupid?  Does he ever think of his kids?  Now I have to worry!!!  If he looses his license, he looses his job.  If he looses his job, I loose medical insurance for my kids, the car I use to transport them around, and I will be left to raise them off my part-time job that only brings in $150/week! 

  Then to top it off, he calls me for help!  He says I am his last chance to him fixing his life.  He begged me to let him keep the tax refund so he can get himself a car again.  He explains he thinks he can get out of the DUI, but that does him no good when it comes to not having a vehicle to get to his job.  I don't want him to loose his job, because where is that going to leave my babies???

  So, anyways...that is my story!  Anyone that has any advise..., I would love it!  I am just lost, and unsure what to do about anything!  How could I screw everything up so badly?

[ChromeCowgirl37]

May. 17, 2008 at 3:26 AM Wow. And I thought my shit was bad! I am so sorry girl!!! Guys are DUMB!!!!

[TriciaLee831]

May. 23, 2008 at 2:19 AM

Wow, my life holds surprising similarity to yours. The only differences is I was pregnant when I caught him, he stills says he loves me, and I hate his guts. Anyway I think the first reply was right. BUT don't just give him the the money. LOAN him the money cause if he's anything like my man, he will take it as you still give a crap about HIM.

 And I am so sorry that this happened to you. Like I said I know your pain all too much. If ya ever need a friend just look me up.