The Adoption Manual

[casjoh]

When a confused and frightened woman enters a pregnancy crisis center she is seeking help.  A hand to hold.  A person she can trust to help her through the dark period of unknown that looms ahead of her. 

It  is one of the most difficult times of her life, she needs a counselor who is unbiased in his or her opinions.  Is willing to openly listen to the woman, understand her and provide her with information for ALL options without pressuring her into choosing. 

Unfortunately, the reality is much different.  Many counselors are encouraged to push the “goodness” of adoption.  To say the right things and speak in a positive tone in order to “persuade” the confused, pregnant woman to ultimately choose adoption as the best choice for herself and her child.

 

Many would like to believe these facts of pressure and coercion are nothing more than moms trying to find ways to absolve their own guilt.  Our escape, perhaps, from having to “own up” to what we did.

 

It does sound good on the outside, especially for those eager couples waiting to adopt who don’t want to play with any thoughts such as the fact their precious baby might have come to them in a less than ethical manner.  

A majority of society would like to see it this way as well.  It’s much easier to believe in the “fairy-tale” goodness of adoption than to dig deeper and learn the ugly secrets hidden below the surface.

 

But what if you do dig?  What if you take the time to search for the truth?

 

If you are brave enough to take that first step, you might stumble across a simple-looking, small manual that is distributed to pregnancy crisis centers around the country.  A “guide” for counselors to show them the right steps to take when a pregnant woman reaches out.  Steps NOT into providing her with unbiased information from which she can make what is the best choice for herself and her child.  But instead, steps to ensure she will choose adoption.

 

The recommendations inside this manual are frightening and follow directly into the path of coercion and manipulation against pregnant woman.

 

In their OWN words . . .

 

- “These recommendations are INTENDED to DIMINISH the elements that inhibit women from contemplating adoption and to ENHANCE those that MOTIVATE them.” –

 

- “A review of these findings will typically generate more specific steps to achieve the OVERALL GOALS of INCREASING the INCIDENCE OF ADOPTION.” -

 

- “A long window of OPPORTUNITY is available to reach these women with messages that will MOTIVATE them to consider adoption.” –

 

- “There must be solid COUNSEL and ENCOURAGEMENT of adoption readily available.” -

 

Change the “pretty” words the adoption industry likes to use and you can clearly see the intention is from the start to pressure a woman into choosing adoption.

 

And this manual knows exactly where to strike at a woman.  How to get into her inner most worries and fears and turn it against her for their own good . . .

 

- “Address the fact that women who keep babies they do not really want are much more likely to neglect or injure them.” –

 

- “Explain that women, too, suffer when they keep children they are not prepared to raise.” –

 

- “Give women sound REASONS that will COUNTER the desire to keep their babies.  One example is to REINFORCE the notion that it takes a strong, mature woman to place a child for adoption.” –

 

Again replace their “pretty” words and the truth is very clear.  Attack a women in her most vulnerable places.  Fill her mind with the negative.  With doubts and insecurity.  Work on her until she is so low she’s willing to grasp onto any idea to bring her back up.

 

Their ammunition is plentiful . . .

 

- “Counselors must be IMMERSED in the MINDSET of women who choose adoption and understand the rational and emotional MOTIVATORS and BARRIERS that affect what these women do.” –

 

- “Counselors should be given the TOOLS to carry the discussion beyond the initial, “I couldn’t give up my baby,” objections.” –

 

- “She SHOULD NOT be immersed in an atmosphere that assumes that being responsible means that she should raise her child.  She will instead see information about adoption ON DISPLAY.” –

 

- “She should be able to read a list of center services that PROMINENTLY includes adoption.” –

 

- “She will be guaranteed at least one VERY POSITIVE EXPOSURE to adoption on her first visit, even if LOW-KEY.” –

 

This could continue for pages and pages.  That simple-looking and small manual is full of suggestions on how to manipulate and coerce a woman toward adoption.  These are their own words, not that of us “moms” who are standing up and speaking out. 

What we have said for years is truth.  The answers are right there in front of you in black and white. 

And before I end this, just one more “suggestion” from this manual.  A frightening suggestion.  One that shows their manipulation does not end with the mothers.  Instead it spreads into the culture, into our very children who might someday grow and find themselves facing the same situation . . .

 

- “As important as INFLUENCING adults is on this matter, INFLUENCING CHILDREN must be the HIGHEST PRIORITY.  First impressions of adoption tend to last a lifetime.  To be effective, any public-relations effort must encompass programming and media that are CHILD-FRIENDLY.  A CONSISTENT, NATIONAL MESSAGE directed toward the next generation could help PERMANENTLY CHANGE the value this culture places on adoption.” –

 

I will let those disgusting words speak for themselves!

[nrouette]

May. 16, 2008 at 11:48 AM I'm sorry you feel that choosing life is "disgusting".... Your mother chose life, and I'm sure your children are grateful! My life has been touched by adoption, and a crisis pregnancy center saved the life of my oldest child, enabling me to become the mother God intended..... They were wonderful women, and I will be forever grateful! My sister came to us @ 6 days old, and even after she met her birth mother, she was doubly glad she was placed for adoption..... I'd love to message you so I can understand your post better! You sound so angry....

[truthrowan]

May. 16, 2008 at 11:51 AM A very informative post. I am in favor of adoption, but know that it's not as pretty as it seems, that there are BM's out there who will always feel empty arms and regret being pressured into adoption "for the babies good." My fiance and hope to perhaps adopt some day in the future, but nothing is set in stone. Frankly, the idea of women being emotionally manipulated and coerced into adoption is something that disgusts me, and at a time when they are so vulnerable. But it's a reality people need to face. Adoption isn't for everyone, not every mother can bare to part with their children, and for some women the idea of aborting a child is easier than the idea of giving it up. One womans unplanned pregnancy does not automatically make her a brood mare to those who can't or don't want to gestate their own kid for the next 9 months of her life. Thank you for this post.

[truthrowan]

May. 16, 2008 at 11:53 AM nroutte, she's upset at he OBVIOUSLY manipulative wat they are trying to convince women unsure weather to adopt out their kids or keep them to give them up. The language is clear, it isn't about the mothers best interests or the child, it's about getting the baby out there to adopt, probably so they can make money off of it. If Adoption was all about the moral right and spreading love and happiness, it'd be free and the government would pick up 100% of the bill, it'd be illegal to make a profit off of someone elses hard choices and heart break. It's not about life or death, it's about manipulation of women in a fragile emotional state.

[casjoh]

May. 16, 2008 at 1:24 PM

***You sound so angry.... ***

I am angry.  I'm angry with the lies and manipulation that exists in the adoption world and deeply harms those involved.  I am also encouraged when voices from ALL sides of adoption speak out together in hopes of making changes to the current system.  I am also hopeful when those like truthowan first look into adoption they will do it with mnore knowledge and acceptance of what can and does happen.  And lastly, I'm happy and grateful for the many other amazing "moms" I have met along the way who support and help each other without question.

***It's not about life or death, it's about manipulation of women in a fragile emotional state. ***

Yes, exactly!!  And very well put.  Coercing a pregnant woman to lose her child through adoption has NOTHING to do with choosing life.

(Original Poster)

[JoesGirl]

May. 16, 2008 at 2:56 PM

Quoting nrouette..." she was doubly glad she was placed for adoption....."

I am disturbed when I see or hear statements like that.

Why was she 'double glad' she was placed for adoption?  what did she find?  what was she expecting to find?

I've heard comments about someone who searched and found that their firstmom, who was an alcoholic or similar statements.  (I'm not talking about adoption from foster care where she lost her children and her rights were taken from her by the state. That's a different situation entirely. )

Each time I hear/read that, I wonder; Have they stopped to question if the firstmom had those addictions

before the adoption? 

or after? 

Do they bother trying to find out?  Because the answer to that question is important.

I agree with the above two posts that stress the "disgusting" part is the subtle manipulation of women at a vunerable time of their life.

The MORE disgusting part is that the manipulation is going on for decades.  It is happening TODAY.

We need to find ways to shed light on their subtle tricks and dark secrets - to prevent the unnecessary pain to unsuspecting women and thieir babies.

[Southernroots]

May. 17, 2008 at 12:15 AM

"We need to find ways to shed light on their subtle tricks and dark secrets - to prevent the unnecessary pain to unsuspecting women and thieir babies."

The fact that pressure tactics have been employed for decades to convince pregnant women to relinquish their babies is deplorable, and yes, thoroughly disgusting. Those of us who were duped into believing that adoption was a win-win solution for all will continue to speak out in hopes of saving the next generation of young women in unplanned pregnancies and their babies from a similar fate.  

Unfortunately, nrouette is like many people who see no harm in pushing adoption as THE solution to an unplanned pregnancy.  Not all babies who are adopted were "saved" from abortion or any other dire fate and it is unfair and inaccurate to assume that is always the case . Most mothers I know who relinquished babies chose between parenting and adoption.

Yet, truthrowan gives us hope because she has educated herself enough to understand some of the complexities and serious issues in adoption practices. Good for her!

Thank you for this post and for graphically pointing out some of the persuasive tactics used to secure more babies to meet the demands of greedy people who profit from adoption. I would love the link or more info about this manual. Sounds like possibly the NCFA and something they might endorse.

 

[blessed3times]

May. 17, 2008 at 11:17 PM

You should pose as an expectant mom in crisis in one of these places and once you start getting the snow job you could really let them have it!!

Great post!

[casjoh]

May. 17, 2008 at 11:35 PM

The link for this manual is

http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=BL068

It's called The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling In Pregnancy Resource Centers

In the 1990's the Family Research Council teamed up with the NCFA (for those of you who are unaware, the NCFA is the National Council For Adoption.  It was created by and is supported by the adoption industry with one main focus, to portray adoption in a positive light through the media and our government.  Their LARGE wallet goes far when it comes to creating adoption legislation.)

In the 2000's, after coming to the determination that not enough counselors were "promoting" adoption to confused and frightened, pregnant girls, they came out with this manual which runs in line with the NCFA's Infant Adoption Awareness Training.  A completely disgusting, stomach turning course supported by the government, that teaches counselors how to manipulate and coerce pregnant women to choose adoption.

 

(Original Poster)

[casjoh]

May. 17, 2008 at 11:40 PM Forgot to mention, if anyone is able to receive large pdf downloads (35pgs.) I will be more than willing to scan my copy of the manual and email it to you.  Just one note, it does have many of my own personal markings from reading through it and angrily underlying over and over again, the disgusting coercive language that is constant throughout this manual.

(Original Poster)

[Southernroots]

May. 18, 2008 at 12:59 AM

Ah yes, sounded just like the NCFA - evil enemy of all adoption reformers. For those who don't know, in addition to doing all they can to promote more newborn relinquishments and adoption, the NCFA also is opposed to open records. In every state when open records legislation comes up for a vote, the NCFA is right there saying that birth mothers need their privacy.

The infant Adoption Awareness Act made available funds to "train" counselors to promote adoption, and from all accounts the practices they recommend are highly coercive and all out pressure tactics. AND, the Infant Adoption Awareness training was funded with our tax dollars!

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/tgr/07/3/gr070310.html