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1 freaking thing a week (lots of swearing and husband bashing--don't like, don't read)
- May 16, 2008 at 6:48 PM
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- Comments (10) Total Views (129) Everyone can see this journal post.
That is all Brenna looks forward to. She has soccer on Fridays this month from 4-5. For months she has looked forward to this. Her first class was last week. She couldn't wait. She was bursting with excitement. She had a blast at class and all this week has been asking when her next class was.
Well, here it is 5pm on Friday and guess what? She missed her class. Why? Because I was outside trying to teach 3 kids to ride two wheelers while watching 4 neighborhood kids. My idiot, lazy ass husband is inside watching TV and playing on the internet and he couldn't remember one fucking class. No, it is all my fault she missed her class because I should have remember while I was outside with no watch trying to keep track of 7 kids.
I am so fed up with him. He doesn't give a shit about any one but himself. He never remembers when any of their classes are simply because he doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care if they go or not. It means nothing but work for him. It means he might have to get off his lazy ass and do something.
He never, ever does anything with the kids. Nothing, except watch TV. He has taken them outside to play on his own accord without me with them about 3 times in the almost 8 years we have had children. It is just not important to him. His TV, video games and computer are much, much more important. They beg and plead for him to pay attention to them and his answer is always the same, "go play in your room."
I feel completely cheated. When I met him he was great with kids. He had 3 nephews (they were 7, 3 and 6 months when I met them) and he was great with them. He played with them, volunteered to take them to the park and to the movies and genuinely wanted to hang out with them. I was told by everyone in his family that he was going to be a great dad. He had helped raise his oldest nephew, stayed up late at night with him rocking him to sleep. He was awesome with kids, they told me.
Then we had our own kids and you know what...he sucks. He doesn't do anything with them unless he has to. Feed them...only after they have been whining and crying for a couple hours and he can't take it any more, oh and if his movie has ended. He ignores them for the most part. Even when they were newborns. He would just leave them laying in their cribs screaming and would tell me they were fine because he didn't want to deal with it.
I am fucking tired of being the one that HAS to remember everything. If I don't plan and organize and take care of everything it wouldn't get done and it doesn't matter who was supposed to remember what it is ALWAYS my fault if it doesn't get done. He goes to the store and forgets something--my fault because I didn't make him a list or call to remind him or just do it myself.
Well he can go fuck himself. I'm sick of him and all his shit. It's like having another child in the house and I'm tired of it. I have 4 kids already to take care of. I'm sick of him yelling at the kids to do their chores and punishing them when he doesn't do jack around here. His clean clothes are still sitting in a pile in the corner of my room because it is his job to put his own shit away and he won't do it. Yet he turns around and spanks the kids for not putting their clothes away. What the FUCK!
He pees all over the toilet and floor and then just walks away yet yells at Owen when he does the same thing. He throws his crap everywhere and never picks up after himself but yells at the kids for doing the same thing. He is a fucking 2 faced child and I can't stand him right now.
I am just plain out tired. Everything has an excuse. His back hurts. Well BOO-FUCKING-HOO! My everything hurts. My back hurts, my head hurts, my knees hurt...all the time. I have migraines several times a week but that doesn't mean I get to slack on my chores and taking care of shit and remembering everything little thing. His back is never going to get better. In fact, I don't think he wants it to. He likes having the excuse and being able to lay around and do nothing all day. He is supposed to take it easy and not lift anything so his bone grafts can heal (he has 2 screws in his spine now). So what does he do? Picks our 25lb toddler up and swing her around and carry heavy boxes. He is going to fuck our life all to hell because he is going to screw his back up even more and it will never get better and we will have to live off of disability.
Actually that means I have to get a job and try to juggle 4 kids, a full time job, severe depression, severe (almost debilitating social anxiety which is nearing agrophobia stages on some days), ADD and him and a house. Because if he was a stay at home parent he wouldn't do a damn thing. He can't cook, do laundry or load a dishwasher. I can't handle all that stress. I never could. He can't do anything for himself. On Mother's Day we spent a ton of money. I asked him every time I went to pay if we had enough in the account. He assured me it was fine. I just looked at our account and thanks to him we were $430 overdrawn after Mother's Day. Part of that was $140 overdraw fee. Why? Because he never actually deposited any of his paychecks because he didn't feel like it. What the FUCK!
We've gotten two $50 tickets for our license plates being expired. He knows what he has to do to renew them but doesn't feel like doing it. Eventually they will either just tow it or boot it. He doesn't care. Means nothing to him, not his problem. He is just going to sit there until I do it because he knows eventually I will just do it for him so we don't get into more trouble. He even got mad when I made him pay the ticket online himself.
He is the most irresponsible person next to his sister. She has already ruined all 3 of her boys' credit...before they were even 10 by using their names to open accounts on stuff and then not paying. I thought he was different but he isn't. He doesn't care unless it involves himself.
Need more examples...when we are travelling and the kids ask to stop because they have to pee he won't stop because he doesn't feel like. Kids are hungry on the 8 hour trip to grammas? Tough, he isn't hungry so we aren't stopping. Same goes in the house. Of course they can make their own food now.
The one time I left him in charge of the kids overnight (while I was having Nora) he fed them nothing but cereal and PB&J sandwiches. Why? Because they knew how to get that stuff for themselves. It meant he didn't actually have to get off the couch and do anything. He didn't do a damn thing while I was in the hospital. His excuse was it was too hard to clean with the kids around. I almost smacked him. How ignorant can you be. What the fuck does he think I do all day?
Oh, and that was the one and ONLY time he was ever left alone with the kids for more then a few hours. He confined them to their room, didn't take Meagan to school for 2 days (too hard for him to get her up and ready for the bus by 8am) and just sat and watched TV for 3 days. It was a nice little vacation for him. Then when I got out of the hospital, 2 1/2 days after having a c-section I was doing dishes and cleaning the toilet and vacuuming the hall (the things I asked him to do while I was in the hospital). He only got up with the baby a handful of times in the week and a half before he went back to work. I had a uterine infection and felt like I was dying. I have never been in that much pain before yet I got up 4-5 times a night to feed and change the baby. I did all the cooking and cleaning. What did he do on his time off to help me with the baby and to recover from surgery? He took naps and watched Tv and played video games. He was sooooo very helpful.
I am just fed up. And right now I want to cry for Brenna. It is the kids that suffer and it always seems to be Brenna that gets the brunt of everything. Today we found out her brother tore up her favorite blanket she has had since she was a baby. Just ripped the whole side of it off. Now she missed the one thing...the ONE and ONLY thing she was looking forward to this week. There are only like 2 or 3 classes left after this one (depending on if she has a class the very last week or not). All she wanted was to do soccer. That was it. She gave up gymnastics to do soccer. All week she looks forward to it.
The look on her face when I told her she missed it just broke my heart. My husband just shrugged and said so what. He feels nothing for them. I have never met a person that has so little empathy for other people. He REFUSES to wear a seat belt in the car because he says if it is his time to go then it is his time. Never mind he has a family to support and a seat belt might save his life. They are uncomfortable and he WON'T wear one. He gets pissed if we even ask. Then, with the kids in the car and him without his seatbelt, he speeds, drives recklessly, constantly looks away from the road and is basically a menace. He doesn't care that he might kill himself or us or the people in the other cars. Doesn't care one bit.
Sometimes I wonder why I even took him back after he left. He obviously doesn't care about us that much.
This is not how I pictured my life. I wanted the guy that wanted to be out there doing stuff with the kid. I know he can't right now with the broken back. The problem is he doesn't even want to do it. He likes that his back is broken so he has an excuse. If his back was just fine he still wouldn't be out there teaching to ride their bikes. We always had to FORCE him to do stuff with us. And then he would pout the whole time because going to the park or the beach with your family sucks and it is the very last thing he wants to do.
The only time our kids go outside is if I take them. He won't sit out there with them. No TV out there.I'm gonna go cry now. Oh no wait. It's almost 6. I better go make dinner because he sure as hell won't. He'll just send the kids to bed hungry when he gets tired of them and won't even think about it. He doesn't care of they are hungry or not. Fucker. I can't stand him right now.
(this entire post was written in great anger and has no bearing on my feelings for my husband when I am not this pissed off...you don't like my opinion of my husband or how I talk about him then go fuck yourselves and get out of my journal. This is not a debate, no where in this journal did I ask for advice. This is a vent and that is it. Thank you for your cooperation.)
Comments:
I'm sure we've all felt similar at one point or another! Men can in fact be dumb shits!
I Feel your frustration, my husband was the same way but mine also put his friends and the ho's on the streets, and computer (mostly porn) first.....so after 16 years and 4 kids my husband is now my ex..
Just Stay Strong, Good Luck and God Bless
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I looked for her on Friday because the girls have cooking at 3. I noticed neither one of them were around.
You know Joey is when it comes to the kids, he is no better. If I had to rely on him to do something then I would be in trouble.
Well, I have to say since I hurt my foot he has had to step up to the plate no matter how much he hates it. I can't walk more then a few feet without pain so he took the kids to school this morning and took Brenna to gardening and is picking her up now.
He's says this is my last day to milk the injury--whatever. Tomorrow will be the hard one. There is a ton of running around to do--school, preschool, arts & crafts, preschool grad rehearsal, track & field. Busy day (especially for Brenna).
Things went okay. He did all the running around, sat with Brenna at rehearsal and everything. Only Owen didn't get to track & field. He didn't want to go and it looked like it was going to rain. I was hoping I'd be well enough to walk them to school tomorrow but I put my shoes on today to go out this morning and even though I can walk fine (or okay) without the shoes it hurts way too much with my shoes on to go very far. Ugh.
But my foot IS feeling better. It feels more like a sprain now then broken. I just need to stay off of it. Kind of ruins are nice 3 day weekend. But only a couple more weeks of school for us. Brenna graudates on the 29th. Owen graduates on the 4th and Meagan's last day is the 5th. They go back August 25th.
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