I have FINALLY finished up with the hag and I had decided that it was time to go to the bathroom and handle my tampon situation...SOOO...I go to take it out (sorry if TMI) and the string comes....BUT NO TAMPON!!!!!! I FREAK OUT!!!!!

So, here I am, short armed little me, with the shortest fingers known to woman, trying frantically to get this tampon out...and it dawns on me...I am SCREWED!! Now, my husbands at work and I have some friends here....but NONE that love me enough to get involved in that kind of situation...So I decide to try and get the tweasers...yeah, THAT doesnt work....

I am running around the house, trying to think of what the hell to do, bearing down like its gonna help push it out right...how wrong I am. I am VERY tiny and tight down there, this thing is going NOWHERE.

I then decide to call the nextdoor neighbor Abbey, who comes to my rescue with latex gloves and lube....she if finally able to get it out but not without a struggle!! After that, I felt like I needed a cigarette and to snuggle!! I had never been SO embarrassed in my life!! THIS is one for the history books!!!

So the conversations went like this....

So she comes in the house and she is on the phone with her husband at which time she is TRYING hard not to laugh on the phone for sake of my privacy and pride...and he proceeds to keep her on the phone for 20min all the while I am just shoving fingers, TRYING to get this thing out so she doesnt have to do it and with every attempt I make, she's laughing and trying to hold it all in.

When she finally gets off the phone, I look at her and say "what do you think would be easier?? Standing up or laying down?"

Abbey " Oh, I think you should lay down for this" *snicker snicker*
Me " You better not look Abbey...I'm not kidding!!"
Abbey " Its kinda hard to NOT look! I dont want to stick it in your butt Kristi"
Me " You will know the difference TRUST me"

So, I take my pants off, grab and towel and drap it over my bottom end and lay on the bed....here I am SPREAD eagle and I tell her..
Me " Ok, hurry up and lets get this overwith" I am for sure blushing by now
Abbey " Ok"

She goes to start probing with 2 fingers right off the rip and slams straight into my fun button at which time I say
Me " Abbey, I appreciate the warm up, but thats my fun button hunny"
Abbey "omg" Cant catch her breathe from laughing so hard
Me " HURRY UP!!!!" lmao at this point
Abbey " You take my hand and shove it where it needs to go"

So I take her fingers and put them where they need to go and she's fishing around..
Abbey " I dont feel it Kristi"
Me " Its way up there hun, you have to go deeper"
Abbey "oh geesh"

She pushes harder and FINALLY finds it and starts to try and milk it out at which time she says
Abbey " OMG!! You can tell NOTHING has come outta that!!"
Me " Why do you think my husband loves me so!"

After about 45 more seconds she gets it out and the deed is done..

Me " Want to smoke and snuggle?"
Abbey " Smoke yes...snuggle no, but can I get you a drink??"

 

My husband got a KICK outta that one!!! 

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Comments:

abbey4
May. 17, 2008 at 10:23 PM its so much funnier now!!!!!! OMGOSH I can't believe it, hey at least its all part of the field I want to to do in life...LOLOLOL Our friendship has hit a new level sweetie.... **snuggle snuggle**

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hotrod
May. 20, 2008 at 1:37 PM I read this, I can't believe I didn't comment!  I've been so busy lately...THIS was HAHA-LARIOUS!!  I pictured the whole scene, and yet, you REALLY don't want to...you know?  LOL.  I remember in 6th grade when the school nurse had a talk with us girls about periods and tampons and such, and one girl asked, "what if it gets stuck up there?"  LOL.  And I remember the answer all too well, "Well, you have to go fishin!"  hahahaha.  It's my worst fear, even to this day!  LOL.  I can't imagine asking my hubby to fish it out, let alone a neighborly girlfriend!  :D  Abbey...YOU are a TRUE friend!!

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