Why are Moms so dogmatic?

[venusonstilts]

I've noticed that since becoming a mother relatively late in life that mothers have become really opinionated about parenting skills.  It seems people are really invested in how others raise their children.  When I first learned I was pregnant I was overwhelmed at the amount of information I found and books on the subject of how to raise your children, whether to breastfeed, co-sleep, how to discipline and what to feed your child.  Now that I've joined Cafemom I've noticed its become down right warfare between mothers who disagree about child rearing techniques.

How long has it been this way?  I've been so busy for the last 15 years chasing my own self indulgent desires that I missed the whole mommy movement.  I had no idea it had become such a force of nature.  I don't remember my mother being this involved in her momhood.  I don't think she ever read a book or joined a support group or a playday, she didn't breastfeed (which I still don't understand), but we lived.  I grew up riding in a feedtruck without doors and no seatbelts and drinking Big Red soda everyday.  I remember being jacked up on sugary cereal and whisked off to daycare. 

I  have made different choices for my children, but I certainly don't feel obligated to educate my friends who make those same choices my mother did.  Some of my friends work and put their babies in daycare as soon as their out of the womb and wouldn't have dared to breastfeed for a day.  Some of my friends are nursing their 5 year olds, wear them around their neck and let them run their households.  I have opinions on their techniques but I keep them to myself. 

It's not only dogmatic and divisive attitudes in motherhood that is worrying me, it's also in politics, religion and lifestyle choices.   It seems you cannot have a good natured discussion with anyone anymore without someone becoming offended or extremely angry.  Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to anyone.  I have friends so far to left they are communist and friends so far to the right their fanatics and I can't have a conversation with any of them.  What happened to this country that people are incapable of the good manners or decorum that's involved in conversation and that we have to make these broad assumptions about each other and label each other so quickly?

It's easier to just stay here at the ranch and talk to the cats.

 

 

[laughter07]

May. 20, 2008 at 5:05 PM  I feel this way about society in general not just moms. People absolutely have no respect for each other anymore. Its sickening! 

[notamontanafan]

May. 20, 2008 at 5:12 PM

I'm experiencing something similar to what you describe, but with my OWN FAMILY!  Both of my brothers and I had children the same year.  It's a huge competition when we're all together (and even when we're not).  My older brother is constantly critiquing my parenting techniques and once told Piper to call CPS because I swatted her behind.  My own mother joins in the fun and talks behind both of my brother's backs to me (and I'm sure she does the same to them with ME) about how they did this or that, they allow their kids to have this or that, can you believe it? 

I haven't really noticed this same type of behavior out in the 'real' world, then again, I don't get out much either!  : ) 

Yes, for me, it's a whole lot easier to just stay home and talk to the cats and raise my daughter the way I choose. 

[RanchGirl78]

May. 28, 2008 at 4:45 PM

I just checked out this journal - and wow, it is so what I needed to read. I have the same frustrations with my family and friends. Who is to say that anybody's way is the right way???!!!? Didn't God create us all unique?

I also do a lot of talking to my dog and my horse. My husband thinks I am a little loco!!! :) But I think that I would rather be loco than be feeling one inch tall!!!

 

[MamaMurff]

May. 30, 2008 at 10:37 AM

I don't even have any yet and people are already judging what I "plan" to do.  I don't know if what I have planned will work ( you know how "plans" go).  But can't I try - can't I make my choices and mistakes on my own?  I definantly have my own ideas about raising my child - thank goodness my husband and I agree on most  things - in theory! 

Advice is good - even great - but judging?????? 

[BWR]

Sep. 8, 2008 at 6:38 PM

You can talk to me, I am very open minded and I agree with you completely on this topic.