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i had an abortion when i was 15. my boyfriend at the time was the one who influenced me to have it done. im 24 now, married, two amazing children, but i just cant seem to "get over it" . i know its something that im going to have to live with for the rest of my life, but i feel like i should tell "my boyfriend at the time" how hurt and mad i am for making me do it. i feel like i could get some kind of closure...comments much appreciated!

should i ...

  • email him?

    13%
  • write him?

    22%
  • do nothing?...

    41%
  • get over it?...

    22%
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Anonymous
Submitted by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Dec. 4, 2008
Votes (67) Comments (9)

should i ...

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Anonymous
Submitted by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Dec. 4, 2008
Votes (67) Comments (9)

Comments

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 1:18 PM on December 4, 2008

    Honestly, I wouldn't do anything! The time has been long gone and although you still feel a hurt for the baby you gave up, writing or emailing him won't make that hurt better!

    You were young and although I am 100% pro-life, I know that there are though times and being that young and pregnant is hard!

    I would try and find some closer personally. (a friend of mine who had an abortion when she was 13 had the same issue. So what she did was went and helped out at a teenage pregnancy house and helped the young teens know what she went through and helped them become good moms!).. volunteer, talk to a religious official if you are part of a faith.. but honestly I would leave him out of the picture.. he won't know what your going through!

    Good luck

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 1:43 AM on December 6, 2008

    I wouldn't even bother talking to that guy because I don't think he would even care if he made you do that in the first place. You should talk to someone close to you about it so you can maybe start to feel better or if its too uncomfortable then talk to a therapist.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 3:55 PM on December 7, 2008

    I don't think it would help that much... it sounds like you just want someone to focus your anger/hurt on... after all... he didn't FORCE you to do it, he influenced you. I think talking to a close friend or counseling would help to deal with the emotional stress. It's not uncommon for women to feel this way years after this happens, so you might could even find a support group.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 1:59 PM on December 8, 2008

    hes not going to care if he was the one who influenced you in the first place

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 5:32 PM on December 8, 2008

    I think that if u could find someone that cares for u to talk to to would be a good idea, or a therapist/counselor if u can afford to do so...there is probably support groups out there too if u look for them. Losing a child is always hard however it happens...don't be hard on yourself about it and don't expect to 'get over it' right away either. Be strong for the kids u have and enjoy the love and support of u'r (much better) situation u have now.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 12:27 PM on December 16, 2008

    To me it looks like you are looking for closer. This is what I would do. I would write the letter. Write all my feelings out. And then I would tear it up or burn it. Sending it to him isn't going to change anything with the way he feels. But my acknowledging your feelings and getting things out it helps bring what we need. Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 2:59 AM on December 20, 2008

    This isn't easy advice to give, but it comes from the heart. You need to take some responsibility in this situation. I am not trying to be hurtful. Please don't take it as judgement. When we accept what we have done, and ask for forgiveness...then healing can take place. This 'man' will not help you to forgive yourself. Only you can do that. . I hope that this helps to lead you to the closure that you are seeking.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 7:08 PM on December 20, 2008

    You are an adult, with adult responsibilties. Your husband and kids deserve better than someone who is wallowing in a relationship from the past. The relationship is over. The abortion is over. YOU had an abortion, he did not force you. You want to talk to him so you can put the blame on him and view yourself as perfect and only flawed because of his contribution, but you chose to be with him, you got pregnant, and you had an abortion. You were not a victim. I'm sure he has moved on with his life. If you and your new life are going as well as you claim, you should be able to focus on that and not be all hung up on the past.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 10:51 AM on December 28, 2008

    Write a letter don't send it, destroy it. That way you can get your feelings out without stirring up any connection with him.

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