I ran into SO over thanksgiving, and I told her I am staying home with my daughter for the time being, after she asked me what I was up to these days. (I was not bragging, my tone was just matter of fact...) She didn't know I had a baby.

After that she said "Well I'm living in Brooklyn, and I LOVE my career and the fact that I don't have to take care of anyone else besides me. I love being able to just do whatever I want!" I sensed a rude vibe... And so did the others sitting around me. Just wondering if that's common.

Is there tension between women in their 20s, 30s, who have kids, and those who have chosen not to have kids yet(or ever)?

  • Yes, it's out there

  • I haven't noticed that

  • It depends on the person

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Submitted by at 11:14 PM on Dec. 6, 2008
Votes (129) Comments (11)

Is there tension between women in their 20s, 30s, who have kids, and those who have chosen not to have kids yet(or ever)?

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Submitted by at 11:14 PM on Dec. 6, 2008
Votes (129) Comments (11)


  • lipstickcl...
    Submitted by   at 12:35 AM on December 7, 2008

    It's not something I ever bring up, but I have met a few women, either in their late 20's or early 30's, who don't want to have kids, and for some reason they offered the information to me even though I didn't ask, and it seemed like they were kind of weird and on the defensive about it. I have seen that on the internet too. I'm not sure why...I would never tell someone who didn't want to have kids that they should have kids, and I think it's a very personal choice that everyone has to make on their own, but it has appeared to me that they were either expecting or looking for some kind of drama about it, like they thought I was going to argue with their desision or even care what choice they made in that regard. To each their own, I don't think there *needs* to be an issue about it...but it seems like there is for some. I'm happy with my kids, good for me, if they are happy with no kids, good for them.

  • AmaliaD
    Submitted by   at 9:02 PM on December 7, 2008

    usually when you get that it is their uncertainty in their choices and wondering when they will have kids, i am a career mom and do love my life away from home some days... most people wont be mean like that

  • beeky
    Submitted by   at 12:31 PM on December 8, 2008

    I think career minded women feel the need to justify their life choices because of the pressures of society.  There is still a stigma attached to women who choose career over motherhood.

  • kelinnh
    Submitted by   at 8:40 PM on December 11, 2008

    yes, because i used to be one of them. i waited until my late 30's to have kids and was SOOOO tired of people askign abotu when i would have them and telling me i was selfish not to. so i would jump out with a coment about my career and life- about how happy and fulfilled i was- before anyone could say anything. now as a SAHM, i sometimes feel the ned to justify my choice to stay at home! funny how that works...

  • lalasha
    Submitted by   at 10:24 PM on December 14, 2008

    When ever I tell someone who is in there last 20's early thirty how old I am and that I have 2 kids they get all you don't know shit on me but little do they know I pretty much raised my younger siblings 5 and 6 years younger than me and worked day care for 3 years in high school , but I just let it roll og my back cause I know my skills and my kids are great happy babies and you can't be a bad/stupid mom and have happy kids

  • LaurenS
    Submitted by   at 3:49 PM on December 19, 2008

    my sister feels that she must justify her choice in not having kids by pointing out my kids bad behavior. like when my 4 year old has a tantrum my sister will say "And thats why I'm not having kids". thanks a lot...

  • Audrey81
    Submitted by   at 8:21 PM on December 20, 2008

    The only experience I have had with this is that I know someone at my work with a 18-year-old stepson who she has been stepmom to since he was around 8 years old. I am raising my DH's biological son from a previous relationship. His biological mother abandoned him at 7-months, so I am the only mom he knows. I AM his mom and he IS my son. Anyway, this co-worker felt she had to tell me one day how wrong it was for him to call me mom and how wrong it was for me to introduce him as my son. My response to her was it's none of anyones business how he became my son or what kind of son he is. He is my son and that is that. A few months later I noticed her refering to her step-son simply as her son and to this day he is no longer her step-son but her son. That's good, I guess. Then when I got pregnant, she told me it was wrong because it would be confusing for my son and that all she needed was her "stepson" and she didn't plan on having any biological children. Since my son was born, she has changed her story once again. Now she says the reason why she is not having a bio child is because she has medical issues preventing her from getting pregnant. Not sure what to believe anymore and I don't really care. But, that is how I can relate to this poll. She makes me pretty uncomfortable anyway. I don't like to discuss my children with her.

  • Laura1229
    Submitted by   at 8:27 PM on December 21, 2008

    I notice it a lot online --- having that distance & anonymity gives people serious keyboard balls sometimes. But in real life, I can't say that I have.

  • Mweddle
    Submitted by   at 3:25 AM on December 23, 2008

    It kind of makes her sound jealous.

  • BabyMommy_...
    Submitted by   at 2:58 PM on December 31, 2008

    Yes, it happens. I notice people seem to judge mothers' more for not being a "career" woman, as if that's all there is to life.

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