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Okay, so me and my mother haven't ever been great friends or anything. But lately (within the last year), she's been making some pretty irresponsible decisions. For example, last February she moved to Missouri with my dad (she lived here with me in California, and her and my dad divorced years ago and had been together this last time for only three months), and by April, she and my dad were finished. By May, she was getting involved with a married man (sure, they were getting a divorce, but they were still married). She's working two jobs and never has any money for food because she spends most of her money on cigarrettes and energy drinks. She's always saying she'll come to California the summer of '09 but I highly doubt it. I'm stressing out about her so much because she barely contacts me, and recently she didn't have a phone, so I didn't know if she was okay or not. I don't want all this stress and drama in my life anymore.

What should I do about my mother?

  • Endure it...it's your mother.

    16%
  • Tell her how you feel (tell me how!).

    51%
  • Let her go...she'll never change.

    23%
  • Other (please explain)

    7%
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mommie_t_0...
Submitted by at 12:02 PM on Dec. 10, 2008
Votes (77) Comments (11)

What should I do about my mother?

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mommie_t_0...
Submitted by at 12:02 PM on Dec. 10, 2008
Votes (77) Comments (11)

Comments

  • BonesDrago...
    Submitted by   at 1:09 PM on December 10, 2008

    Talk to her about how you feel or write her a letter(if phone contact is still iffy).
    If she cant change then let her be for a while and destress yourself. You dont need that and she's a grown woman...she will have to deal with her own issues.

  • AmaliaD
    Submitted by   at 2:12 PM on December 10, 2008

    yeah just write it in a letter, you can edit it and control what you say better.... she is your MOM she should help you not hinder you. that is bs. tell her what is going on, sounds like someone needs to, now if she is just mentally unstable be ready for the reaction. she prolly does need to leave you alone and that will prolly do it, but you are telling her what she needs to hear, not what she wants to hear, remember your roll, you dont owe her in the way that you have to take care of her...

  • vintagechi...
    Submitted by   at 8:39 AM on December 11, 2008

    She may have some stuff going on that you don't know about. Try to talk to her and if she reaches out to you then ok, if not, then leave it alone for awhile.

  • Casarah13
    Submitted by   at 2:30 PM on December 14, 2008

    Your mom is a big girl and can take care of herself. You have every right to tell her how you feel but you cant fix her problems for her. You should just be there to listen to her and remember you cant live her life for her.

  • dtetz
    Submitted by   at 9:31 AM on December 16, 2008

    Theres absoultly no other way to say it then to just say it. Beating around the bush and being nice about it wont make her smell the coffee... its as simple as MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

  • mamaangie1...
    Submitted by   at 3:08 PM on December 22, 2008

    I know what you re going through. Just talk to her about how you are worried and concerned for her. sometimes heart to heart talks are pretty pursuasive.

  • yourspecia...
    Submitted by   at 1:27 PM on December 23, 2008

    I have 2 irresponsible parents. You aren't going to change them! For your own self preservation you HAVE to let them go. My thoughts are with you.

  • frat_twin_...
    Submitted by   at 3:35 PM on December 23, 2008

    Realize your mother is going to do what she's going to do. You cannot change her. It seems to me she may have some sort of depression or mental problem that requires the help of a professional. You should either talk to her or write her a letter telling her everything you think and feel about her behavior. Try not to blame her, let her know you love her and want to help her, and be brutally honest about how she is affecting you and your family. Let her know you will always be there to help if she should need it, but you cannot spend your entire life worrying or babysitting her. Offer to help her find a stable job, housing, and professional help. If she rejects your help, cut the strings! You cannot force her take care of herself. I know it sounds harsh and will hurt like hell, but it will be the best for you. Change what you can, and accept those things you cannot change. Don't fill your life with people who do not care for you in return. They are not worth your time, energy, or emotions. But always be willing and ready to open your life back up to her if she should get her life on track or decide she wants your help.

  • Momof1litt...
    Submitted by   at 2:34 PM on December 30, 2008

    It's obvious you love your mom, otherwise you would never be so upset. Heres a Hug (((HUGGG)))) Its hard when you have to be the one to act like the parent. If this is how she is, and has always been this way, shes not changing. But that doesn't mean you have to be done with her. Shes your mom, and loves you too, I'm sure! It sounds like she just gets caught up in trying to find her way through life. Maybe shes looking to be loved, maybe shes depressed and trying to figure out what to do. Either way I'm not trying to make excuses for her. But all you can really do is be there for her when she needs you, your her daughter and shes your mom, that will never change. Good Luck.

  • armywifeLJ...
    Submitted by   at 12:01 PM on January 4, 2009

    you're mom is older than you and gave birth to you. i doubt she wants you telling her what to do. why don't you just let her be herself? some people are just absent minded and a little chaotic but did you ever think maybe she really likes her life the way it is?

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