Ok my dd is 5 years old and her real dad asked me if she can go camping with them this summer. I said no because they want to go a whole year without seeing her or calling her or having anything to do with her and then turn around and take her camping. They did the same thing last year and i said yes, and she really got hurt because they stopped all contact. Am i doing the right thing for saying no, or am i being selfish?

Am i being selfish, or would you do the same?

  • Yes- you are being selfish.

  • No- you are doing the right thing.

  • Other- please explain

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Submitted by at 8:25 PM on Dec. 24, 2008
Votes (100) Comments (8)

Am i being selfish, or would you do the same?

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Submitted by at 8:25 PM on Dec. 24, 2008
Votes (100) Comments (8)


  • MarthaHele...
    Submitted by   at 11:48 PM on December 25, 2008

    And I would do the same thing too, he can't be a dad just when it fits him, it has to be 24/7/365 NOT 7 days out of a WHOLE year & the ones who vote Yes just ignore them, you're doing the right thing & TELL him why you're not letting her go, tell him that IF this year he ACTS like a father ALL year THEN you'll consider it!

  • Becky1979
    Submitted by   at 10:31 PM on December 26, 2008

    Couldn't agree with Martha more. And further more, my son is now 9 and has some abondonment issues with his dad, who is the same way. We only do day visits and now it is no more than a special day, just like a day at the pool or a day at the zoo. He doesn't seem to be as upset because he already has the knowledge that the 'day' will end by bedtime and it isn't anything more permenant. Just like his dad. Here and gone with lots of time in between!

  • gemgem
    Submitted by   at 6:43 PM on December 27, 2008

    No youre doing the right thing. My older kids grandparents went several years along with their dad without seeing them too. They called after 2 yrs and said "Great news my friends taking his grandkids to disneyworld so I will be picking up the kids because its the cool thing to do now days". I said are you insane? I told them they could come see the kids a couple times to get to know them again, then if they still wanted to take them that was fine. But to my kids they were strangers & I wouldnt hand them over to strangers.

  • Brneyedpho...
    Submitted by   at 3:12 PM on January 1, 2009

    I am in the same situation or I should say I was in the same situation... *son's father was allowed back into his life and he screwed both of us over and when I allowed him to come back I told him the next time he lets a significant amt of time go by without contact to just consider that his walkin papers and informed him NOT to TEST me on this.. well he left town and didn't contact us for almost a yr and he called me the other day and he was informed that he should just write us off his christmas card list for good and I know deep in my heart that I am doing the right thing for my sons and myself

  • tammyd1968
    Submitted by   at 11:32 PM on January 1, 2009

    they should keep in contact with her through out the year and not just when it suits them and their needs.

  • lalasha
    Submitted by   at 2:14 PM on January 3, 2009

    as someone who had a dad that was a little fly by night I jumped at every chance I had to be with my dad and if I found out later in life my mother had deprived me of valuable time with my father because she wanted to punish him, Even now I would be livid and you are hurting her more then you will ever know by refusing her this changes

  • BIMOM21
    Submitted by   at 1:31 AM on January 11, 2009

    My final decision: She is not going with him. Especially since I told her I might see if her real dad can straighten her up(behavior wise) and her exact words were: "Michael(birth father) doesn't like me, that is why he doesn't have anything to do with me". It made me want to strangle her real father when she said that.

  • camtri3
    Submitted by   at 9:43 PM on January 14, 2009

    Being a parent is a full time job

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