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I have been with my husband for 4 and a half years. I have been married for 3 years and my husband has been in the nursing home and hospital for two years. He has end stage kidney failure, diabetes, paralysis below his ribcage, a colostomy bag and his left leg is amputated. He is stubborn and selfish. that's why he is in the position he is in--- not listening to me or the doctors.

I am tired of taking care of him, I am only 33 and I haven't had sex in almost three years!!!! I want to go out and live and have fun, I want to have a job and not be his full time nurse. Am I wrong? What would you do????

  • Yes you are wrong.

    30%
  • Take care of him but get some on the side.

    21%
  • No you are not wrong, it's your life.

    37%
  • other please leave a comment

    11%
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Anonymous
Submitted by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Dec. 30, 2008
Votes (118) Comments (22)

I am tired of taking care of him, I am only 33 and I haven't had sex in almost three years!!!! I want to go out and live and have fun, I want to have a job and not be his full time nurse. Am I wrong? What would you do????

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Anonymous
Submitted by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Dec. 30, 2008
Votes (118) Comments (22)

Comments

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 7:08 PM on December 30, 2008

    I think you made your bed (said your wedding vows), now you should lay in it (stick to the commitment you made to the stubborn selfish man).

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 7:40 PM on December 30, 2008

    I can not believe that I am seeing this again from someone that is married.
    I understand your frustrations; but, if it were the other way around; how would you want to be treated?
    I have had medical problems my entire marriage and I would hate it if my husband of almost 33 years turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
    I know that he never will because that is called love. That is called marriage and taking the vows made seriously.
    I feel for you; really I do. But, you are married to him and he needs you now.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 7:41 PM on December 30, 2008

    The comments on the poll that say "it is your life"
    That is not correct. When we marry, we are to become 1.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 11:06 PM on December 31, 2008

    OMG!! That's terrible, your poor husband! I'm sure that's something you or your DH wasn't expecting to happen. Do you have kids together??  You haven't really been together all that long. I couldn't imagine what you and him must be going through. Maybe you should get counseling regarding your feelings, and then decide what to do. Does anyone else help take care of him, besides you...like on his side of the family, to give you a break? Maybe if you have some friends that you could get together with and have a girls night out?


    I don't think you are wrong in feeling the way you do. I would probably feel the same way.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 11:46 PM on January 1, 2009

    If he isn't doing anything to help himself then you shouldn't have to help him

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 5:28 PM on January 2, 2009

    well I would leave him an do you BUt still go and see him every now and then to see how he is. Just don't leave and never see him again.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 8:12 PM on January 2, 2009

    WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIM?!?! and how is he making it worse?

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 12:18 PM on January 3, 2009

    If he's in the nursing home/hospital, don't they have nurses there to look after him? It's not your job, especially if he's not at home. But if you look at it from a different point of view, he's on his way out, so you should spend the remaining of his time on this planet with him. If for no other reason, then at least so you won't have to beat yourself about it once he's gone.

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 9:11 PM on January 5, 2009

    Since we don't have the complete story I have to infer that he didn't take care of his issues in the first place and may have been selfish himself. Not all diabetes is manageable I understand but if he allowed himself do get worse by not eating what he was supposed to or exercising then I see your frustrations, kinda like " I told ya so" right.


    His own regret and past stubbornness may be causing his stubbornness now or he may be actually scared now.


    I have a friend who is going thru a very similar situation. She started having an affair. After a few years of him wanting her leave her husband he went back to his exwife and has broke it off. To top that, the exwife had demanded my friends management postion at the jobs she's held for many years so my friend had to take a demotion. I don't know but it may be karma.


    Stay with your husband. We all have our struggles in life (some far worse than others). We constantly compare ourselves to others I know but we get dealt a hand and it's what we have to play with. Make sure you have you time, go out with friends and try to enjoy some points in life, don't feel guilty about that. I think about what I'd do in that situation and I come up with this..... If it were my child going thru this would I still do the same???

  • Anonymous
    Submitted by Anonymous   at 6:38 PM on January 7, 2009

    You promised in your wedding vows to be by him for better and for worse in sickness and health. I can't picture myself not taking care of my husband.. But hey I stand by my promises.

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